I don't mean this to be in any sense political but it has been brought up. I know something about enabling. My first wife survived being in Latvia and Germany during WW-II, but, as we became secure, she became a sucker for alcohol and lapsed into alcoholism. I'm reminded of the poem by Robert Service The Ballad Of The Northern Lights, "We kept our heads at the famine, but lost our heads at the feast." If I yelled and shouted, it was all the more reason to drink. If I kept silent, then it didn't bother me. It seemed like anything I did enabled her drinking.
One day I realized that she was going down the tubes and was going to take me with her. After 31 yrs we divorced and both are still alive today though I understand she is in bad shape. After our divorce, I believe she pulled herself together pretty much. You might ask, why did I stay in this situation for so long? I had a prohibition against divorce. No one in my family had been divorced Though some (many) of the husbands had alcohol problems. Also the promise of 'til death do us part meant something to me.
True, alcoholism is different from sexual philandering, but I suspect the enabling factor is much the same. If you yell and shout, it is all the more reason to seek out your "girlfriend" for commiseration. If you are quiet, then the philandering doesn't bother you.
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